Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
