fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
