Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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