I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
