at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
