she takes plan B like it's going out of style
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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