I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
