shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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