I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
