Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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