Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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