dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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