i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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