Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
