just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
