; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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