she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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