No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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