Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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