I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude i'm inner monologue high
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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