I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
