If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
