I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
