The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
