Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
