oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're too hungover to prance.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
