I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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