If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
