Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
