My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
