Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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