My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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