I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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