I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Randomize
