My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
