You can't motorboat a personality
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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