Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
