just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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