we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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