You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
