at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
