i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
