i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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