I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
