I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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