My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
