I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
