Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
