oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
that is very illegal...i love you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
