I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize