There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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