Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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