Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
