ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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