It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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