OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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