I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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