lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
