You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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