why didn't you poke me back
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
