yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
