I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
