i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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