Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize