i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
