I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
