I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
