I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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