3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
