I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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