Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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