He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
