She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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